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“That’s the one…he’s gone now, but he came to shake things up.” I couldn’t tell what Tito was thinking as he told me he’d be up at my room in a few minutes. He knocked on my door and as I opened it he wrapped his arms around me.
“Do I want to know what he did?” Tito asked me. I shook my head, I knew he probably really didn’t want to hear this. “Should I hear it anyway?” I nodded.
“He told me he loved me.” Tito’s arms fell to his side. “I didn’t take him back or anything…”
“But…”
“But I didn’t tell him to leave me alone and move on. I told him I’d have to think about it.” Tito walked to the other end of my room and back. Then he did it again.
“What do you want me to say about this? Do you want me to make your decision? Is that what you thought would happen? You thought maybe I’d hear this and tell you to stay with me? Or did you think I’d tell you to go back to him?” Tito asked.
“I don’t know…I just…I don’t know what to do,” I admitted. “Do you think we have any chance of lasting? I mean lasting as in long term, maybe getting married someday. Do you see that in our future?”
“Gabrielle, we’re freshmen in college, why would we be thinking so long term?”
“Well, you dated Tara for two years and that was nothing serious, so if we dated until junior year I would be seriously thinking you would propose.”
“Are you thinking of marrying Isaac?”
“No, but he told me he loved me. I told you how crushed I was when he just dumped me.”
“So you’d go back to a guy that took over a year to decide he loved you?” This was an excellent point.
“No, I suppose I wouldn’t.”
“Good. So don’t go back to him.” I smiled and walked over to him. I put my arms around him and he extracted himself from the hug.
“What? I told you I wouldn’t go back to him.”
“Yes, but you had to think about it. Gabrielle, I can’t simply forget the fact that you almost dumped me for some guy that broke your heart. I need to go and rethink some things before we see each other again,” Tito told me and he walked out of the room.
I officially felt like a piece of shit. It’s not that I felt Tito was the only one for me, but I shouldn’t have put him to the side when someone else came along. He was better than that. I should’ve have remembered what a good guy he was right away. I decided to call Isaac right then and there before he could make a plan to come and see me again.
“Already decided you can’t live without me?” Isaac questioned. Why did I ever consider going back to that guy?
“No, quite the opposite. I want to tell you that you need not bother coming back tomorrow. I am not going to come back to you just because you decided you loved me.” He didn’t reply immediately and I thought for a minute that he might’ve hung up the phone.
“Alright, but I am not going to come crawling back when you decide you really wanted me after all.” I laughed.
“Don’t worry, I won’t.” I said and I hung up the phone.
I fell asleep thinking about what I should do to make up for what I did to Tito. I was out before I had a plan. I woke up with the acute feeling I was a horrible person. Then the whole terrible seen with Tito floated to the surface of my consciousness. I then had the overwhelming feeling I was a horrible person. I knew Gladys was Tito’s friend too so I couldn’t exactly ask her for help. I was going through all of my phone contacts, looking desperately for someone to call when the screen lit up with my sister’s number. I answered the phone and Jen began talking almost immediately.
“You will not believe it, Fred just asked me to marry him! Also, I said yes! Can you believe it?” My sister gushed over the phone. I sure couldn’t believe it either. She’d only been dating this guy for three months. And already they were going to take the dead man’s walk?
“Are you sure this is the right thing for you to do?” I asked her. “I mean, how well do you really know this guy?” My sister tsk tsk-ed.
“Gabby, you just don’t understand. When you meet the right person you just want to be together forever. I mean, you could be with anyone now, but Fred’s the guy I want for forever.” I couldn’t think of a more gag-inducing sentiment than the one she just spewed at me.
“You know,” I told her, “there’s no way this can last.” Then she hung up on me. I half expected that to happen, but I didn’t expect to feel really bad about it. I decided to send her an apologetic text and I knew she would eventually forgive me.
Without thinking much about it I went up to Tito’s room. Maybe if I talked to him he would see that I really felt bad about what happened. So I knocked on his door and he was suddenly standing in front of me. And all I wanted at that moment was to kiss him, but I restrained myself.
“Gabrielle, I told you, I need time to think,” Tito said. I nodded.
“I know, but I just wanted to let you know I’m really sorry for putting our relationship on the line the way I did,” I told Tito. “I should never have considered, even for a moment, going back to Isaac.” Tito crossed his arms over his chest.
“You think coming here and apologizing again is going to be the difference between whether I come back to you or not?” He questioned. I bit my lip. I was hoping as much, but I didn’t want to tell him that.
“No,” I said. “Of course I didn’t think that. I just wanted to apologize again because I really am sorry.” He nodded.
“Okay, thanks,” he said. And then an idea came to me.
“Actually, I just found out my sister is getting married. I told you about the guy the other day, you know, Fred? Well, she said something about how she didn’t just want to spend her now with Fred, she wanted to spend her forever with him. And then I realized I wanted to spend my now with you,” I told him.
“You want to spend your now with me?” Tito asked, a smile creeping onto his face.
“I know, it sounds cheesy and sappy and I am gagging on my own disgust with the phrase, but yes, that’s just what I want to do.”
“You make it really hard to be mad at you,” he informed me. I smiled at this.
“I think that qualifies as something good.” He nodded and pulled me in for a kiss. “And that just confirms it.”
“You are something else, Gabs. I don’t know what it is…but you’re it.” He told me with a laugh. I told him I could definitely deal with that. “Have you eaten yet?”
“Nope, but I’m not all that hungry anyway. Did you want to take a walk or…”
“Or get something to eat?” Tito interrupted. “I would love to get food with you.”
“Tito, I told you, I’m not hungry.” He rolled his eyes, grabbed my hand and somehow managed to lock his door as he led me away from his room. Before I knew it we were at his car and he was climbing into the driver’s seat. I shrugged, opened the door and slipped inside. “Where, pray tell, are you taking me?”
“You’ll just have to find out…but know this, you will be eating food,” he told me. I nodded.
“Sure, sure. I figured as much.” I told him with a wave of my hand. He put a hand on my shoulder.
“You know I’m just looking out for your well being.” I nodded. Of course I knew that.

The next day I was eating lunch with Gladys. I turned to her and let out a breath.
“So, do you want to know what happened with Isaac on Saturday night?” I asked her. She nodded vigorously.
“Of course I do! I’ve been waiting for you to tell me. I just didn’t want to pry,” she admitted.
“Yeah, so he came back into my room and told me point blank that he loved me,” I said. Gladys’ mouth dropped.
“No way,” she said, but she smiled. I could tell she might be one of those people who thrived on gossip. I nodded.
“Yup, I told him I was dating Tito and he said he didn’t care. I then told him I’d let him know how I felt the next day.” She stopped me.
“You mean, you actually told him you’d think about it? Even though you are dating Tito? You’re still dating Tito, aren’t you?” She asked. I nodded.
“Of course I am. I told Tito what was going on and we had a fight, I mean I was really stupid for considering dumping him. But I realized he is the one I want to be with right now. I wanted Isaac at the time I told him I loved him, but a lot has changed since then.”
“Does he have any clue about your anorexia?” I shook my head.
“No way, why would I tell him that not too long after he and I broke up I developed an eating disorder? He would probably think he caused it, when he had nothing to do with it.”
“I guess you’re right.” I then asked her about her allusive boyfriend, and when or if I was going to meet him at all. Little did I know that she would give me the whole story.
First she talked about how they met: “I was at a party, you know the kind, where people were popping pills from a bowl and others were sniffing off the coffee table?” She said. I surely knew of no such parties. “Well, he was the brother of the guy throwing the party and he got home just before I popped one of the pills I had picked up.” This sounded romantic…not. “And before I knew it he was telling me to drop it and telling me I was better than pill popping. Then we walked into the kitchen and we talked for almost four hours straight. I couldn’t believe this tall blue eyed guy with the curliest brown hair would be interested in me, but he was.”
Then she told me about the lengths he went to to help her sober. I have to admit, that was some sort of dedication. She said her parents weren’t really around anymore and he actually put all of his paychecks toward her recovery. I was quite impressed with this guy. I genuinely wanted to meet the guy now.
“Well, he’ll be coming next weekend,” Gladys told me happily. Boy was she over the moon.
“That’s great, Gladys. I’m happy you have someone there for you like that,” I told her. She nodded.
“I’m glad you have someone like that too.” I smiled. Tito definitely was a great guy, but I wasn’t quite over the moon yet. I guess you could say I was like Elsie at the beginning of the RENT song. You know, “the only thing to do is jump over the moon.” All I had to do was take a leap of faith. But was I ready for it? Or was he ready for it? It really didn’t matter. We’d only been dating for two weeks and it was not the right time to think about love.
After Gladys and I finished lunch I went up to my room to do some homework. The best part of my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays was that my classes were over by noon. The only homework I had was a few math problems and a Spanish test to study for. The math wasn’t very complicated and I had finished it before one o’clock. The Spanish wasn’t as easy. The words I had to know in Spanish were: fruit, apple, orange, pear, pineapple, banana, peach, vegetable, lettuce, tomato, broccoli, and asparagus. These turned into: fruta, manzana, naranja, pera, piña, plátano, melocotón, hortalizas, lechuga, tomate, brócoli, y espárragos. I looked them over and over. I couldn’t take it anymore after about twenty times reviewing the words. That is when Tito knocked on my door. I smiled at this surprise visit.
“What are you working on in here?” Tito asked as he picked up my Spanish book. I laughed.
“As you might notice, the book is in a different language called Spanish. That’s probably what I am working on,” I informed him. He laughed.
“You can’t tell me anything in a normal way, can you,” he said. I shook my head.
“Tito, its part of my charm. You wouldn’t tell the sun to shine in a different way, would you?” I questioned. He shook his head.
“No, I wouldn’t. But you are not exactly as bright as the sun.”
“Oh, thanks. That really makes me feel good about myself.” I joked.
“It’s my job. First I boost you up with compliments, then I get to knock you down. That way I can do step one over and over.” I laughed.
“Well, as long as there’s kissing involved I don’t mind at all.” He nodded and kissed me.
“There’s always kissing involved,” Tito said with a sneaky smile. I could definitely deal with that. Kissing Tito was rapidly becoming my favorite thing to do. I know that sounds gushy, but it really wasn’t about the fact that I loved him. It was a lot of lust and the convenience of not having a roommate that kept me coming back to Tito’s wonderful lips.
In other news I had decided to go to the first volleyball game at the U. I really felt a connection to the team still and it didn’t matter that they had removed me. So I made Tito and Gladys go as well, it would have looked really lame if I went alone. When everything started up I was surprised at how much I wished I was out on the court. The designated setter, which would have been me if I were on the team, kept tipping it over the net instead of setting up another person for a stronger move. This was absolutely unnerving for me.
“Come on, do it right,” I muttered. Tito put a hand on my knee.
“Don’t worry about it, they’re still winning,” he told me. Well sure they were still winning, but that setter was taking all of the hits. She wasn’t cooperating with the rest of the team. I could tell the other players were starting to get frustrated.
“Why isn’t coach calling her out?” I wondered aloud. Gladys laughed.
“Do you not see the resemblance? Elle, it’s her daughter,” she said. I looked back and forth at the two. She was right. This was completely unfair.
“She’s hogging the ball!” I yelled before I could think any better of it. The ref looked directly at me, as well as the entire mass of people in the gym, and told me that if I didn’t start to control my behavior I would have to leave. I nodded and received a withering stare from the coach.
“Gabs, it’s not your game, don’t worry about her. Let the team deal with her later,” Tito said. I nodded again. He was right, if the team was like it had been earlier in the summer there would be no way this girl would go unpunished. Sure she could win the game, but not giving anyone else play time was strictly a no-no in the volleyball team rules.
“You’re right. Man, I’d hate to be that girl tonight,” I said. They nodded in agreement. We watched the rest of the game without further outbursts. Sure they did some things wrong, but they weren’t my team anymore and I couldn’t fix it. It was something I’d have to get used to.
When it was all over Gladys suggested we get some ice-cream. This was not a good plan in my book. I was just starting to get used to eating regular meals. Now they expected me to eat something besides a meal. Were they crazy? Didn’t they realize there were still calories in ice-cream?
“Ice-cream won’t kill you,” Gladys said as she noticed the look on my face. I shook my head.
“I really shouldn’t,” I said.
“You don’t have to eat any,” Tito told me. “I know it’s scary, Gab, but I think eventually you’ll get used to it. You don’t have to eat it though if you don’t want to, it’s not a necessary meal.” I smiled. I was glad Tito understood. So we all got into Tito’s car and he drove us to the local Dairy Queen.
As I watch Tito and Gladys eat their treats I started to get hungry. And the ice-cream started to look really tasty.
“Hey, Tito,” I said. He looked up from his dreamsicle.
“Yes, Gabrielle?” He said. I smiled and pointed at his ice-cream.
“What does that taste like?” I asked. He handed it over so I could taste it for myself. It tasted like awesome. “Wow, that is really good,” I said as I handed it back to him. He smiled and slipped me a dollar bill.
“Go get yourself one,” he said. I didn’t hesitate. I went up to the counter and bought a Dreamsicle. I brought it back to the table, opened it, and began eating. It was better than I could have imagined. I couldn’t believe I had been missing out on something so amazing. I made a mental note to eat ice-cream more often. It seemed like a good idea.

The next day I had an appointment with my advisor. My university was very big on getting the students and faculty to be a sort of tight knit group. It should be known that the school is rather small and focuses mostly on English studies and the arts. I was majoring in theatrical studies and my advisor was one of the heads of the theater college. Needless to say, I expected the guy to be a bit eccentric.
I walked into his office and was met by a mural of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It wasn’t what I had expected, the characters were all drawn over the top. I mean, even more than they were in the movie. I was looking at it so intently that I didn’t hear him come in.
“Isn’t that something?” Prof. Spieglman asked me. I nodded vigorously.
“Oh yes, my dad’s a huge fan of the show,” I told him. He almost named me Columbia. I’m lucky I was the almost. My sister, Jen’s real name is Magenta. She just went by Jen with a j so no one would ask about it.
“Well, come up to the lab and we’ll see what’s on the slab for this semester,” Prof. Spieglman said without hesitation. It was one of the dead giveaways for people who were really into the show, they always slip quotes into conversations with such fluidity people would hardly notice. But I did because my dad was the same way. I followed him to the desk and sat down across from him. “So, Gabrielle,” he said after looking over some papers, “I see you have overcome a lot in the past month or so.”
“I have, it’s a continuous struggle, but I’m starting to have faith in the recovery process,” I told him.
“Very good, that shows a great deal of determination. I am glad to be your advisor. Is there anything you would like to know about me?” I thought about it for a minute before deciding there wasn’t.
“Not right now,” I said, “if I have any questions I’ll let you know.” He nodded, said something about notifying me if important news comes up, and then I was free to go. I walked out of his office and went to my dorm room. I had finished my classes for the day and had a bit of math homework to do.
When all of my math problems were finished I called Tito. He came to my room and we sat on the ground to talk for a while. We had started doing this a few days after we started dating in order to get to know each other better. We did this by playing a game called truth. The rules of the game were fairly simple, you asked the person a question and they had to answer with the truth. You could make the questions as easy or complicated as you wanted and the game didn’t really have an ending point.
“If you could have any type of juice in the world, what kind of juice would you have?” Tito asked me. I had to think a minute.
“I would have Mixed Berry, but the Apple and Eve brand,” I told him. “That is the best juice ever.” And then it was my turn to ask a question. “Okay, pick your favorite third movie of a trilogy.”
“Whoa, you go right for it,” he said with a laugh. I nod. “Well, there are only a few third movies in a trilogy worth watching in the first place. First, there’s the third Star Wars, then there’s Lord of the Rings, and then there’s the third X-Men.”
“You didn’t answer the question,” I informed him.
“I know, it’s just a difficult decision…but I pick the third Star Wars, the original trilogy of course. It’s just the best.” I nodded and told him I would have picked that one too. “Okay…who was your first kiss?” This was the first difficult question he’d asked me.
“Well, it was actually Isaac,” I admitted. His mouth made an o shape. “Next question…what is your favorite band?” I asked.
“Postal Service, they have Death Cab’s original singer, but I like them more.”
“I have never heard of them, you need to play some of their music for me sometime,” I said. He suddenly got up and left the room. I sat there for a minute, wondering if he was coming back or not. He did. And with him was his iPod. He put one earpiece in my ear and the other in his own.
“This song is called Such Great Heights,” Tito said as the song began to play. It was actually pretty amazing. When the song was over I kissed him.
“You are really awesome at choosing music,” I told him. He smiled and put an arm over my shoulders.
“I’m pretty awesome at choosing many things,” Tito said. I nodded.
“That you are, and it is also your turn to ask the question,” I informed him. He nodded, looked at his phone and stood up.
“Sounds good, I just have to go to class first,” he said. I stood up too and gave him a kiss before he left.
“Have fun at school, sweetie,” I told him mockingly.
“Thanks, mom,” he replied before exiting my room. I took this opportunity to walk to Gladys’ door and knock on it with all the force I possessed. She opened the door.
“Wow, you are extremely annoying,” Gladys told me in a bitter voice. I smiled at her.
“You still love me though right? Because you realize I’m your best friend here and I’m awesome, right?” I said. She rolled her eyes.
“You are extremely too giddy and excited for me to handle.” I nodded, it was true. Lately I had become giddier than I’d ever been in my entire life.
“You can blame Tito for this,” I informed Gladys. “He is the reason for my intense happiness.” Gladys shook her head.
“This is not good, you are too good of a person to have this happen. What happened to the old saying about guys being jerks?” She asked me. I shrugged.
“Tito’s the exception?” I asked. She slapped her face to her forehead. “Wait a minute, don’t you have a boyfriend?”
“Well, yes…but he doesn’t make me super insane.”
“Uh huh, sure. We’ll just wait and see when he comes into town.” She slammed her door in my face and shouted at me to come back when I wasn’t so cheery. So I went back into my room and watched television for a little while. I had never realized what a void there was in my day without volleyball practice. I really had nothing worthwhile to do.
I began to wonder if Gladys was right. Was I putting all of my happiness on Tito? If I were single would I be as happy as I was now? Had I really crossed over into that territory I had sworn long ago I would never enter. The land of goofy clingy girls. Was that who I was now? No better than my perky RA? I really hoped not. Surely I was not as consumed in my relationship that I forgot about who I really was.
But who was I? I hadn’t thought that in a while. There was a lot I hadn’t thought about in a while.
About the time Isaac and I broke up I had decided that maybe dating was not the way to go. I had it in my head that the only thing guys were good for was being complete and total jerks. That love should stay in story books because it wasn’t real, it was the invention of authors and movie makers and people who weren’t brave enough to be alone. Was I abandoning these beliefs to be with Tito? Or was I disillusioned by Tito and I didn’t realize I was right all along? Why was this suddenly such a big deal to me? I sat in internal reverie for almost an hour I guess because the next thing I knew Tito was knocking on my door.
“Oh, hey,” I said as I opened the door. He didn’t walk into the room, he simply stood in the doorway.
“Okay, you weren’t this melancholy when I left… what changed your mood so drastically?” Tito asked me.
“Do you think love is real?” I asked him. He walked into the room then and sat me down on my bed.
“Do you want the long or short answer?” He asked. I told him I wanted the long one. “Of course love is real. Do you think people work hard at relationships because of anything besides love? Do you think people stay married over twenty years if love doesn’t exist? Of course not. Do you think you told Isaac you loved him if you didn’t at one time believe there was love between the two of you?” I shook my head.
“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry for being all weird, Gladys just was messing with me for being so perky.” She didn’t mean to make me question who I am and what I was doing. He put an arm around me.
“She can be a piece of work sometimes.” I nudged him with my elbow.
“Play nice, Mr. Vincent,” I said with a smile.
“Oh, why of course,” Tito said. “Hey, I forgot to ask you this, but I’m going home this weekend and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me.” I could feel my eyes light up.
“Really? You want me to meet your family? I’d love to go, but you have to know, I don’t do the whole staying in the same bed thing,” I informed him. I felt stupid for saying it, but I had to set my boundaries.
“Don’t worry, I am the same way. And yes, I do want you want you to meet my family. It’s my Dad’s birthday and I’ve told him all about you. I looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.
“Everything? Do they think I’m a mental charity case yet? Or do you have to actually meet me to think that?”
“It only becomes apparent when people meet you,” he informed me. I nodded.
“Well, no use ruining it for myself if they don’t know how pathetic I really am.”
“Shut up, Gabs, you are not pathetic. You just aren’t the strongest person in the world. But you’ll get there with all the running. And eating.” I rolled my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder.
“Okay, I guess it’s settled. I will go home with you this weekend so your family can meet your crazy anorexic girlfriend.”
“Ex-anorexic,” he amended. Right, it was difficult to remember I wasn’t still under the constant grip of the eating disorder. Well, I was, but I was getting better.
“You really want to introduce this mess of a person to your family?” He laughed and squinted at me.
“Well, now that you put it that way…not particularly,” Tito said. I laughed then too.
“You have to now, you already told me you would. You can’t go back on your promises!” I said.
“Fine, fine. You know they’re going to love you.” I wasn’t so sure about that.
“Wishful thinking, my dear, wishful thinking.”

I called my dad the next day and told him where I would be going.
“Are you sure it’s such a good idea to leave the structured environment you have at school? I’ve kept up with your weigh ins and I think you’re doing such a good job there.” I smiled.
“Dad, I’m doing such a good job because of Tito’s help. He’s been really good about everything,” I told him. It was true, Tito always made sure I ate. It was getting to the point where I was almost to the point I didn’t need him to tell me anymore. He took a minute to think on this.
“Okay, I suppose this will be alright. But be sure to call either your mother or me every day,” he said.
“Sure thing, Daddy. I love you.”
“Love you too, Gabs,” Dad said before he got off the phone to get back to work. And that was that, I was going to visit Tito’s family over the weekend. Yikes! I was in no way prepared for this. What did I know about Tito’s family anyway? Well he did tell me a few things.
First, he had both parents, still married. His dad’s name was Thomas and he worked in a major corporation. He wasn’t a workaholic and spent a lot of time with the family, he was an ideal father according to Tito. His mom’s name was Lucy and she was a stay at home mom. She was always there during the day and made dinner every night. I think Tito liked that about his childhood, the fact that he had what some people might call a traditional family. He was the second oldest of five.
That brings us to his siblings. He had one older sister, Blair. She was twenty-three with one daughter and a husband that was currently serving in Iraq. Tito loved his older sister and her daughter, Shiloh, so much and he even admitted to being proud of Blair’s husband, Don. Tito’s younger brother, Lucas, was seventeen and a senior. He was still unsure of the college he wanted to attend, but Tito wasn’t very worried about him. Finally there were Tito’s younger, twin sisters, Hailey and Isadora. They were both newly sixteen and were almost as opposite as identical twins could be. Tito had shown me a picture of them and I was surprised to see how noticeably different they really were. For one thing, Hailey had blonde hair like Tito’s and Isadora’s was dyed cherry red. Another was that Hailey was in a pink T and short jeans shorts and Isadora was wearing a dark green overall dress. I was trying to think about where I would be on the girl scale if these two were the extremes. I figured I’d be somewhere in between, but probably closer to Isadora’s side. I was never one of those pink wearing, preppy types.
Needless to say, I was really nervous about meeting all of these people who were so important to Tito. I had never known someone who cared so very deeply for his family. I mean, I cared for my family, but not quite to the extent he did. I wasn’t one to forget all the bad things and focus on the good. He was extremely good at just saying positive thing after positive thing about all of them. I hope that’s how he talks about me to them. That I’m not just my disease. As I have noticed from people I spent my recovery process with, I am a separate being than that of my eating disorder. And since I’ve been to a treatment facility I know I am stronger, my thoughts are stronger. Well, sometimes.

Before I knew it Friday had arrived and it was time to go to Tito’s house. His hometown was about three hours away and I had a CD with twenty-three songs on it. It wouldn’t last the whole way, but I hoped we would talk for a while and it wouldn’t matter. So I buckled in and he started the car. I looked at him and the first thing to cross my mind was: I hope this doesn’t ruin our relationship.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Tito said as we pulled onto the road.
“I’m worried about meeting your family,” I admitted. He patted my shoulder before turning into the gas station so he could fill up the tank and I could get the necessary refreshments.
“Don’t worry, they’ll love you, now get the drinks and we’ll get on the highway and be having a great time before you know it,” Tito told me. I nodded and ran inside to get some soda, a bag of chips, and some cookie things. I paid for the refreshments and got back into the car.
“Ready?” I asked Tito.
“Wait, how much do I owe you for the stuff?” He asked. I shook my head.
“I got it,” I told him. “Don’t worry.” He kissed my cheek and started the car up.
“Next stop, my house.”
“Unless we have to make a pit stop,” I said.
“Oh sure, we’ll stop if absolutely necessary.”
And so the trip ensued.
After about half an hour we had turned the music down and started to talk. First we talked about our week. He said his was good for the most part except the test he took this morning which he was positive he’d bombed. I told him that it was not possible. He’d studied for hours and I’d even quizzed him on everything the night before. There was absolutely no way he’d failed that test. I did, however, totally ruin the speech I had to give yesterday about three events that happened on my birthday. I went too fast, didn’t make enough eye-contact, and I said “um” and “uh” way to many times.
Then he asked me about my family and I gave him a basic description of them: my parents were divorce, my mom was a teacher and my father a psychiatrist. My sister was twenty-one and engaged to be married to this guy named Fred. I didn’t really know him, but I hoped it would turn out all right.
“Is that all?” Tito questioned. I nodded.
“That’s my family,” I said. He shook his head.
“No, I mean, isn’t there anything else to tell me about them? Like particulars or anything?” I shrugged.
“My sister and I used to fight constantly, but we’re better at tolerating each other now.” He nodded. “What? I don’t know what else to say about them.”
“I always forget your relationship with your family is not the same as mine.” I rolled my eyes.
“Not everyone is a part of the ideal American family,” I told him.
“My family is not ideal,” he told me. I let out a sarcastic laugh and he peered over at me out of the corner of his eyes. “Would you stop that? Okay, I understand that you are not in a good mental state right now, but you shouldn’t go around making assumptions about peoples’ families because you might be a little pissed about your own.” Ouch.
“Come on then, tell me something that you would change about your family.”
“How about you tell me something you actually like about your family first.”
“Fine, I like how close my dad and I are, despite the fact he and my mom are divorced he’s made more of an effort than she has.”
“Okay, well, my younger brother likes to steal my stuff sometimes. Also, Isadora listens to her scream-o music really loud a lot,” Tito said.
“I’m sorry, about making fun of your family for being perfect,” I said quietly. He didn’t say anything but turned up the volume on the CD I had made. The song was “Teenage Dirtbag” by Wheetus and I couldn’t help realizing how this song was my life. Well, the part about being a dirtbag, not about listening to Iron Maiden. I was never a huge Iron Maiden fan, but this song always made me smile a little bit. Tito didn’t say anything as I started to sing along. He didn’t smile either and I hoped he wasn’t pissed at me and my messed up mental state.
At hour two of our trip Tito still wasn’t talking to me and I had put in a CD I had made a long time ago. I really had to pee, but I wasn’t going to say anything. I figured he wouldn’t stop even if I did. I also worried he’d leave me at the rest stop. Neither of those things sounded good.
“You feeling okay?” Tito asked. “Your face is scrunched up weird.”
“I have to use the rest room real bad,” I admitted.
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
“You were pissed at me,” I said.
“No, I just didn’t want to talk anymore. There’s a difference.”
“But you said I wasn’t in a good mental state.”
“Well, you were being a bit of a jerk.”
“Well, I apologized,” I said. Which was more than he did. And what he said to me was worse than what I’d said to him.
“Listen, I’m sorry, okay? Now let’s find you a place to pee.” I smiled and muttered a thank god under my breath.
Hour three was much better. Tito and I talked for a long time about music. He said he was a fan of a lot of music, but he was partial to rock and alternative music. He said his favorite bands included The Postal Service, Bright Eyes, Death Cab for Cutie, and Trapt. I told him those bands were good, but I was more of a fan of folk music lately. Some of my favorite bands/artists included: Dar Williams, Sara Bareilles, Daphne Loves Derby, and Allison Kraus. He had never heard of Dar or Daphne loves Derby and that, I told him, was part of why I liked them so much. Not many people had heard of them. I liked having something to listen to that many people didn’t know about and therefore have something to introduce people to. We even had a conversation about Cartel, a band both of us liked a lot. My favorite song of theirs was “The Minstrel’s Prayer” and his was “Save Us”. They were both on their Chroma CD. This lasted us all the way to his house. We were having such a good conversation I almost forgot to be nervous. Emphasis on the almost.
“We’re about ten minutes away,” Tito said excitedly. My body tensed. He noticed. “Gabrielle, they’ll love you, I promise.” I was less than convinced. The closer we got to the house, the worse I felt about going. Finally we pulled into his driveway. He got out of the car and I remained rooted to the spot. He pulled things out of the trunk and finally walked over to my door. He opened it and squatted down next to the car.
“I can’t do it, I’m going to walk back to school,” I told him. He unbuckled me from my seat.
“You will not. I have faith that you can do this,” Tito told me. “I mean, look at what you’ve done already. Meeting my family is nothing.” I shook my head.
“That other stuff was just about me, this impacts other people.” He took my hand and I got out.